The Tenth Circle of Hell is a Cycling Class

“Tonight I looked into the abyss. It’s full of muted blue lights with a woman named Nancy yelling at you over a cardio remix of The Police’s ‘Message in a Bottle’ while you’re furiously pedaling toward nowhere at all. [. . .]

“I’m unsure if I’ll be returning to the spin bikes that sit at the mouth of hell, forever moving and not moving into oblivion at the same time. I don’t know if my body could every forgive me if I did it to myself again. Sure, others love it and return time after time. Power to them.” [. . .]    –Gabe Bergado, Medium, June 9, 2016.

You can read the full article and more of Gabe Bergado’s work on Medium.

“My Exercise Ball Experience as Dante’s Inferno

Circle/Hour Five: Wrath

“I cross the river Styx with weakening legs, fusing vertebrae and congealing spinal fluid from this damn ball. I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. If I were really sullen about my experience, perhaps I would find myself horribly immersed under the black water of the Styx for all eternity. I guess I am not all that sullen. Instead, my wrathful side takes out my anger on my rundown. I’ll teach you to mess with me, Soundbite On A Boring Topic. You’ll pay for my pain.

“A total of ten people have now kicked the ball.” — Jeremy Markovich, “My Exercise Ball Experience as Dante’s Inferno: A Biblical Parable About a Non-Standard Option for Office Seating,” Comedy Corner on (September 9, 2014)