The 9 Circles of Girls’ Clothing Hell

“Before your teenage daughter sighs, rolls her eyes and tells you she’ll only wear Hollister, you will be in charge of making clothing choices.

“Treasure this time of sartorial lack-of-autonomy, because it is fleeting.

“As the parent of a girl, one of the first decisions you’ll get to make is ‘Do I care whether people think my newborn infant is a boy or a girl or a genderless loaf of bread?’ Welcome to…The First Circle of Hell: Infant Implements of Discomfort.” […]    –Josette Plank, Scary Mommy, January 2017

Winter Grocery Shopping With Toddlers Is The Tenth Circle Of Hell

“Grocery shopping with toddlers isn’t that much fun to begin with, but throw some -10ºF temperatures into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for hell on earth. Frigid, snowy weather on grocery day is almost enough to convince me we’ll somehow manage to survive on a few cans of button mushrooms and a jar of olives until the next week.

“Besides trying to corral tiny people who have mastered the art of ‘walking’ but not so much the art of ‘walking without careening into every other person/cart/carefully laid out pyramid of soup cans in the store’, the main problem with winter grocery shopping with small children is that it presents a series of obnoxious choices.” […]    –Aimee Ogden, Mommyish, February 23, 2015

School Zones Belong Inside Dante’s Inferno

“Those important pieces of classical writing that I read in college are a little fuzzy these days. That’s what happens when the music you listened to in college has been on classic rock stations for the past five years.

“But I need to reread Dante’s Inferno because I only remember (with the aid of Google) nine circles of hell in the poem.

“But I’m sure there is a 10th.

“The 10 circles of hell have to be limbo, lust, gluttony, greed, anger, heresy, violence, fraud, treachery and school parking lots during pick-up/drop-off time.” […]    –Dale Miller, The Independent, September 9, 2018

Tenth Circle of Hell: School Supplies

“Dante wrote about the nine circles of hell; but I discovered the 10th – school supplies shopping. I admit, I used to enjoy it. After all, the limitless possibilities of a blank sheet of wide-ruled notebook paper are boundless. But, there is a downside to the scavenger hunt to find plastic folders with prongs, binders by the inch, and a pencil bag for the 72 mechanical pencils on the list.” — Lara Patangan, Mercy Matters, August 13, 2014

Read the rest of the article here.

The 9 Circles of Tee Ball Hell

“Yes, it is almost summer, and for parents with children between the ages of four to six, it is tee ball season, the embryonic stage of America’s favorite pastime. Sure, seeing your child in an over sized t-shirt in one of the primary colors with a matching kiddie baseball cap is cute, but is it worth it?

“I have had two children go through tee ball, and my third has just started, and what I’ve realized is that there are nine circles to tee ball hell. I have taken the liberty of laying them out here.” — Nicole Johnson, Sammiches and Psych Meds

Read the rest of the article here.

9 Circles of Parent Hell

“Some days parenting feels like nothing more than a series of bare-knuckle bouts in the gladiator pit of life. Some days it feels as if all you do is pick up the crumpled, inside-out socks of Satan’s spawn. Somehow we manage. We wade through the muck putting out fires. We fan the embers that need flaming, we keep the home fires burning long enough to cook dinner, and we do our best to avoid the nine circles of parenting hell.

“Not familiar with the 9 Circles of Parenting Hell? Let me fill you in.” — Wine and Cheese Doodles, March 7, 2015

Read the full article here.

The 9 Circles of Youth Sports Hell That All Parents Will Recognize

9-circles-of-youth-sports-and-dance-hell“Youth sports aren’t all trophies and high fives. Youth sports can be a firewalk through the inferno.” — Josette Plank, Scary Mommy

Read the full article of the circles of youth sports hell here.

The 9 Circles of Children’s Birthday Party Hell

“Kids’ birthday parties always sound so fun in the abstract. Maybe it’s that they’re a guilt-free way to avoid weekend errands for a few hours and at the same time load up on sugary cake. While most of them are fine, over the years there have been some real doozies. In escalating order of awfulness, here they are…” — Tracy Charlton, Scary Mommy

Read the full article here.

“The 9 Circles of Hell… I Mean, Bedtime”

Circles-of-hell-bedtime“I’ve tried everything I can think of to make bedtime a less painful time of day for us, but I’ve run the gamut between rewards and punishments and all I get is this same sequence of events, night after night.

“Bedtime is a monotonous, hellish time for me, as I am sure it is for a lot of parents. [. . .]” — Cheney Meaghan, Pickle Fork, January 4, 2019

Parenting Circles of Hell: The Supermarket

“It is a well known fact that The Supermarket is in fact the seventh circle of hell for parents of toddlers. And pre-schoolers. And primary, secondary… oh stuff it, most kids. Shopping with kids full stop is a particular pain that most of us dread but for some reason, The Supermarket is a special, fire-burning hell that should only be braved by the thick of skin and girded of loin.” — Kate Dyson, The Motherload, February 9, 2018

Read the full article here.