Tenth Circle of Hell: School Supplies

“Dante wrote about the nine circles of hell; but I discovered the 10th – school supplies shopping. I admit, I used to enjoy it. After all, the limitless possibilities of a blank sheet of wide-ruled notebook paper are boundless. But, there is a downside to the scavenger hunt to find plastic folders with prongs, binders by the inch, and a pencil bag for the 72 mechanical pencils on the list.” — Lara Patangan, Mercy Matters, August 13, 2014

Read the rest of the article here.

The 9 Circles of Tee Ball Hell

“Yes, it is almost summer, and for parents with children between the ages of four to six, it is tee ball season, the embryonic stage of America’s favorite pastime. Sure, seeing your child in an over sized t-shirt in one of the primary colors with a matching kiddie baseball cap is cute, but is it worth it?

“I have had two children go through tee ball, and my third has just started, and what I’ve realized is that there are nine circles to tee ball hell. I have taken the liberty of laying them out here.” — Nicole Johnson, Sammiches and Psych Meds

Read the rest of the article here.

9 Circles of Parent Hell

“Some days parenting feels like nothing more than a series of bare-knuckle bouts in the gladiator pit of life. Some days it feels as if all you do is pick up the crumpled, inside-out socks of Satan’s spawn. Somehow we manage. We wade through the muck putting out fires. We fan the embers that need flaming, we keep the home fires burning long enough to cook dinner, and we do our best to avoid the nine circles of parenting hell.

“Not familiar with the 9 Circles of Parenting Hell? Let me fill you in.” — Wine and Cheese Doodles, March 7, 2015

Read the full article here.

The 9 Circles of Youth Sports Hell That All Parents Will Recognize

9-circles-of-youth-sports-and-dance-hell“Youth sports aren’t all trophies and high fives. Youth sports can be a firewalk through the inferno.” — Josette Plank, Scary Mommy

Read the full article of the circles of youth sports hell here.

The 9 Circles of Children’s Birthday Party Hell

“Kids’ birthday parties always sound so fun in the abstract. Maybe it’s that they’re a guilt-free way to avoid weekend errands for a few hours and at the same time load up on sugary cake. While most of them are fine, over the years there have been some real doozies. In escalating order of awfulness, here they are…” — Tracy Charlton, Scary Mommy

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The 9 Circles of Hell…I Mean, Bedtime

My daughter just turned thirteen, but because of her disabilities she’s much more immature than the average thirteen-year-old, and believe it or not, we are still struggling with bedtime. Yes, thirteen years into this parenting gig, bedtime is still a struggle. I know, I’m a failure at parenting in many ways, this is just the one I feel like talking about today. Here’s a look at what bedtime is like at our house now…” — Cheney Meaghan, Pickle Fork, January 4, 2019

Read the rest of the article here.

Parenting Circles of Hell: The Supermarket

“It is a well known fact that The Supermarket is in fact the seventh circle of hell for parents of toddlers. And pre-schoolers. And primary, secondary… oh stuff it, most kids. Shopping with kids full stop is a particular pain that most of us dread but for some reason, The Supermarket is a special, fire-burning hell that should only be braved by the thick of skin and girded of loin.” — Kate Dyson, The Motherload, February 9, 2018

Read the full article here.

The Tenth Circle: Bedtime

“Bedtime – the hour that we spend all day counting down to. The curtain call to our kids’ shitty antics and incessant demands, so we can finally pour ourselves a drink and peruse Netflix for that perfect movie or show to serve as background noise while we scroll Facebook and fall asleep on the couch. Except bedtime is almost never the time we parents have chosen for bed. Oh, no. Kids are determined to not go gentle into that good night and to rage against the dying of the light.

“While most just flip their kids the bird under their throw blanket when little Jimmy comes stomping down the stairs for another goddamned glass of water, funny parents on Twitter are tweeting what we’re all thinking.

“Twitter parents know. Twitter parents understand. Twitter parents are also losing their effing minds one failed bedtime routine after another.”    –Serena Dorman, Sammiches & Psych Meds, 2017.

You can check out all twenty-two tweets here.

Circles of Hell for Moms

“In my studies I came across Dante’s ‘Inferno,’ which is the beginning of the epic poem ‘Divine Comedy.’ ‘Inferno,’ as it turns out, is Italian for “hell.” The 14th-century epic poem tells the story of the writer suffering through the nine circles of hell located within Earth. Kinda sounds like motherhood, no?

“Let’s face it, some parts of motherhood are downright hellish. And while it seems like those sleepless nights with infants or days spent comforting a teething child are hell, they’re not. That’s because those phases end quickly. The real nine circles of hell for moms last longer and make even the most patient woman feel like she is in the middle of an Italian classic.” — Meredith Gordon, Mom.me, May 14, 2015

Read the full article here.

Seven Circles of Baby Class Hell

“As any self-assured stranger will tell you, babies need to be socialised if they’re to grow into well-rounded adults, skilled in the arts of compromise, empathy, and not interfering in other people’s business at bus stops. A fun way to do this, and to meet other like-minded (baby-brained) mummies, is to enroll your child in a class. There are a multitude to choose from, all intended to maximise the potential for parental humiliation. But which to go for? Here are seven popular contenders to consider…” — Tina Bored, Metro, April 8, 2015

Read the full list here.