Satan To Add East Ave Wegmans Parking Lot As Tenth Circle Of Hell

“Rochester, NY– Limbo, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Anger, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, Treachery. These are the nine circles of hell, but today is a big day. Satan has just announced that this year they are set to add the east avenue Wegmans parking lot as a much awaited tenth circle of hell. We spoke with the leader of hellfire himself to see how excited he is for this new addition.

“’You know, the minute I drove into the east avenue Wegmans parking lot, I knew it was a match made in hell. Seriously, it has to be one of the most disorganized, chaotic messes I’ve ever seen or had to be apart of! This is coming from a guy who single-handedly created the bubonic plague! I mean I love Wegmans, don’t get me wrong, but were they trying to create a new circle of hell for me? It feels like it, you know I thought the circle of gluttony and lust was a pretty raw deal, but I can’t wait to see the face on some of the newcomers when they realize they’re stuck in a never-ending bumper to bumper of the Wegmans parking lot. Very excited for this new addition and I can’t wait to hear some of the feedback from the regulars’” [. . .]    —The Inner Loop, February 13, 2017.