Mallory Ortberg, “Dante Casually Running Into Beatrice In Art History”

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oh hello sorry, i didn’t see you there, ladies was so busy reading my book here hello, beverly oh, Beatrice, you say? I forgot I meet so many women and learn their names on a daily basis, you know hard to remember all of them

 

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hi i’m so sorry to bother you it’s me Dante Alighieri from life? from being alive? we met that one time when you were eight and then I saw you again briefly nine years later and then you died after you married someone else? idk if you remember me anyhow my plan was sort of just to follow you around for eternity, heaven-wise i hope that’s cool with you? are these your friends? cool cool

See more: Mallory Ortberg, The Toast, September 8, 2015